The Word Of Promise: The Gift of Psalms

As a reviewer/blogger for Thomas Nelson Publishing, I have the opportunity to read and "try" different products. I'm a big fan of the Psalms, which is why I chose The Word of Promise: The Gift of Psalms. A variety of actors read 50 psalms, and while part of me enjoyed hearing the Words, I wasn't a big fan of the dramatic reading. Sometimes, no, most of the time, I think it's best to read the Words and not put so much emphasis on trying to make them sound dramatic. Like I tell my daughter, sometimes less is more. But that's just my opinion. All that said, the whole package is beautifully put together with the CDs and devotional book, in which each devotion corresponds to a given Psalm. Our lives are so busy that often we can't read as much as we'd like. This set would be ideal to pop into your car's CD player and listen to in traffic. Nothing soothes like the Psalms!

Makeup Mirrors and Graveyards

"Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends."
-- Henry Brooks Adams

I have no idea who Henry Brooks Adams is, but the guy made a great point.

When I was in college, I had a lighted makeup mirror. . It had a border of bright lights and the mirror could be switched to a magnifier. All I can say now is "UGH" about the thought of magnification. Every little line, pore, and blemish--I can't hide from what I see. My husband loves my eyes, but somehow blemishes and lines stand out more to me when I look in a magnifying mirror.

The same is true with friendship. The more time we spend with someone, I can say with 100% certainty that we'll see flaws and faults we didn't notice at first. Just like looking in the mirror, we can't miss those imperfections. They're magnified, unfortunately. We can't escape the reflection of truth. And sooner or later, lest we get smug and congratulate ourselves at what a wonderful friend we are, we end up showing own faults for our friends to see.

So shouldn't surprise us when our friends show us their faults, and we need to head out to the cemetery that Mr. Adams speaks of. We must shoulder our shovel, drag our friend's offending fault behind us, and start shoveling.

As we dig, we must say, "I know this is my friend's fault/flaw. Because they are my friend and I love them, I will bury this fault and won't keep it with me. I choose not to hold this against them." We are all works in progress, and our friends remind us of this without saying a word.

Sometimes small offenses can pile up over time, and before we know it, we're lugging a wheelbarrow full of them with us. One friend or another has misspoken or treated us carelessly, and we never make that trip to bury their fault. This can damage friendships over time, even small things. Recently I have learned just that. Someone had offended me, not in a large way, and I lugged the incident around for far, far longer than I should have.

On the other hand, I also recently have been reminded that my own faults can irritate, or worse, injure my friends. But this is what friends are for--not to be injured, but to remind us of where we fall short. Friends are the ones who will not hold our faults against us. Instead, our friends will simply hug us, pick up their shovel, and head for the graveyard of forgiveness where our faults are buried.

We should ask ourselves:

Am I carrying reminders of my friend's faults?
Do I need to forgive my friend's offenses or bury those irritations against me?
Do I need to think more before I speak and/or act?
Am I thinking of what I want, more than what is important to my friend?
Do I need to ask forgiveness from my friend?

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. " Colossians 3:12-14

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." Proverbs 27:6

Miss any previous posts? Check out Friendship Series, and read from the bottom up.

So Long, Farewell...

Sometimes the best thing we can do for a friendship and the well-being of our hearts is just to let the friendship go. Change is part of life, and relationships change as well.

I don't know if you've ever had this happen to you, but it's hard when someone who was more than a fringe type of friend (see my post, Love That Fringe, below) cuts you out, without explanation or a clear reason in your mind. The book of Proverbs says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." I always understood this to mean that the closer we are to someone, the more they can hurt us, but if we are close to them, the hurt can be overcome by the love we have for our friend.

But what do you do when you realize a good friend has shifted to the fringe of your life, and you don't know what happened to cause the change?

I live in a military area. It's pretty safe to say that my entire circle of friends is made up of people with military ties, either currently or formerly. Dear friends who became like family often move, and that always hurts. They leave behind a hole that must be filled, where once there were smiles, laughter, good times, and even some hard times. I suppose I should be used to it by now after seventeen years.

With the advancement of the on-line world, keeping in touch has been much easier with Facebook and e-mail. I have literally dozens of friends all over the world now and every time I hear from them, I smile and I'm glad we still have that connection. In fact, my husband and I had a great time on Saturday night with one couple (Love ya, Nick & Kineta, if you guys are reading this!).

There does come a time, though, when we need to release friendships and allow them to fade into memories. This has happened to me not so long ago with two particular friendships. I can't deny it's painful, but I've seen that there are people in my life right now in front of me who have become the ones I can laugh with, cry with, and pray with.

My words are simple: don't belabor a lost friendship. I spent time and tears trying to figure out "what went wrong," and no answers came. I sent an e-mail or two, a card, left a message or two, sent a small birthday gift in one instance, and nothing. Lest I sound like a stalker--LOL!--all of this happened over the course of months, to years, in the case of one friendship. I realized I had to let them go, and stop trying.

While love never fails or gives up, in this case, I had to let my feelings go and relinquish any claim to a true friendship. Should I hear from them again--and I have in the case of one person--I've simply smiled and nodded, acknowledging what once was. And expected nothing more.

Sometimes we need to ask ourselves a few questions:
Am I hanging onto a friendship that has changed?
Am I trying too hard to keep a friend who's clearly moved on (literally or figuratively)?
Have I been blind to the idea that this particular friendship may have been just for a season in my life?
Have I not seen the new possibilities for friendships right in front of me, because I've invested so much time in a lost cause?
Have I been clinging to a friendship for my own self-worth?

I'm sure we can all think of a friendship that's changed, and we need to accept that change. And I'm sure we can all open our eyes, and see the possibility of new friends immediately surrounding us. We all want to belong. We all want to be loved.

So long, farewell...to the ones I've had to let go. And if you're reading this post and know me, you're probably NOT one of them.

Love that Fringe! I think?

"What is acquaintance? What a funny, hard word." ~ Aunt Beast, A Wrinkle In Time


I just love the character of Aunt Beast from that wonderful Madeleine L'Engle book. She's right about the sound of the word acquaintance, though. It sounds proper, stiff. But many of us have a ton of acquaintances. I looked the word up in the dictionary.


Acquaintance: "a person whom one knows but who is not a particularly close friend."


Think of standing around the water cooler, or hanging out at the kid's soccer game, or. . .any informal situation where we encounter others on a regular basis. We get to know the generic stuff. Family, interests, likes, dislikes, the boring activities of everyday life, and maybe an occasional quirk thrown in to make it interesting.


Many of us are really good at having acquaintances. It's sort of like owning a jacket with lots of fringe on the arms. Fringe adds a little something to the look, but it's not like a sleeve or insulation against the elements or buttons. Fringe is just...fringe. According to the dictionary, fringe is "a marginal, peripheral, or secondary part."


I suppose you could also call acquaintances casual friends. We know them by name, we know things about them, but it's mostly surface information. That's where most friendships start, as we discover the common ground we all share. Acquaintances aren't people we usually call in a jam. We might not wonder much if we haven't heard from them in a week or two.

When does an acquaintance become a true friend, when they are more than just on the fringe of our lives? Maybe it's when one person shares more than everyday life, and shares a bit of their heart. And the other responds in kind. I think it's important to tread cautiously when we do this, or we could end up having a one-sided friendship.

Speaking of friendships, here's a thought-provoking blog post from 97 Seconds With God on how we choose our true friends.

Sponges and Granite

Some friends are like sponges, some like granite.

A sponge can be a very good thing to have when you're trying to wash a car. You have a constant supply of soapy water. Some friends are like sponges. They pour into your lives and the time you spend together leaves you refreshed. At least that's how it should be.

But some friends, insecure or needy ones, can be like dry sponges. They always draw from you and after very many encounters, or very few, you're the one feeling drained and exhausted.

I must admit I've been both kinds of a spongy friend. I love giving to my friends, and I like to think that they enjoy spending time with me, whether it's something as simple as shoe shopping, or an IM chat, or laughter around the dinner table. But during my own dry times is when I need the refreshment of a friend. And sadly, people don't enjoy friends who are always "draining" them.

We get out of balance when we rely solely on our friends to refresh our souls. I believe that God uses people as tangible reminders of His presence and His love. But there's no substitute for spending time with our Heavenly Father.

Other friends are like granite. I would venture to say that these people are mostly granite on the outside. Life has taught them to be tough. Receiving from those friends made of granite is difficult at best. After all, they're not sponges. Those whose hearts and souls are granite through and through probably do not have many friends at all. Granite is tough and cold. It can't hold anything or give anything. It merely exists and must be chiseled and chopped away. Granite is tough and probably lasts forever.

Granite is also pretty clueless. Stone can't refresh you, although it's good for paving and building, so it does have its uses. Friends made of granite need softening, if that's possible. But I know Someone Who specializes in impossibilities. If you have a clueless friend of granite, be patient with them and pray for that softening to happen.

Things to ask ourselves:

Am I a dry sponge of a friend?
Am I always trying to soak from others?
How much time do I spend pouring into my friends?
Do I exhaust one friendship and drain it dry, then move on to someone else?
Am I spending time being refreshed by Living Water?

Am I granite?
Am I clueless, unable to receive from anyone?
Have I allowed life to harden me to the point where I've not allowed myself to receive from anyone?
Do I need softening so I can learn to be a better friend?

Next time..."Acquaintances" and playing it safe

Friends: Fair or Foul?

Little kids make friends so easily. It's just not fair. Life for them is simple. One afternoon at the playground on the swings can bond them to another tighter than Superglue. Not fair, as I said. No complications, just the simple joy of another soul to spend a few hours with.

We get older, and we complicate matters. We drag our insecurities and our selfishness into the mix and our prejudices, and we can end up with a mess.

So, on to fair-weather friends. What are they? I had to look this one up to make sure I had the right definition in my head. Those kind of friends are great to have around when life is good. Go to a concert, a movie, water ski, you name it. But if you're going through any a tough time or drama, don't expect their presence or input. Need a room painted? "Oh, sorry. I'm busy that day." Now, I'm not saying a friend should be at another's beck and call. That's sort of unrealistic.

But if there's a pattern developing--if someone constantly bails on you if you need them, wouldn't you wonder if your friendship had a good foundation? Maybe that would be a good time to refine your expectations. I'll get into expecting too much from a friend another time. I've been guilty of this. If you have a fair-weather friend, don't put them on your short list of people to call when you're in a jam.

The opposite type of friend is what I call a foul-weather friend. They're the ones who drain you dry. Their crisis become your crisis. But once they don't need you anymore, you can't find them. They're quick to move on. And then your heart and investment in them are left with nothing. Remember what I said before, about friendship being a time investment. When I'm a friend, I make them a priority, for the good and bad times. These type of friendships are the ones that make me look back wistfully, wondering what happened. And I end up mentally exhausted and literally drained from giving to them. My dear sweet husband and I have had this happen to us, and we've learned a hard lesson. Don't be so quick to jump at their call. Every crisis is not the end of the world, and realize that people can be fickle. Let them learn to stand on their own instead of depending on you to solve their problem.

So, time for a little self-evaluation. Ask yourself, as I ask myself these questions, and evaluate your friendships:

Do I take more than I give?
Do I disappear when times get tough?
Do I expect my friends to drop what they're doing for my latest crisis?
Do I ignore people when I don't "need" anything from them?
Do I only show up for the "fun"?

Remember: "A friend loves at all times." The highest form of love is not self-seeking, but it seeks the best for the other person.

Next: The insecure (gulp) friend and the clueless one.

On Friends and Friendship

Lately I've been thinking about friends, how friendships start, how to keep friends, how friendships succeed and how they fail, and how/when to let them go. I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people who when I make a friend, I generally like to keep them. Time is precious, and time spent with a friend is an investment. It might be something simple, but the fact that we allow each other into our lives says a lot about our priorities.

There's fair-weather friends and stormy-weather friends; insecure friends and clueless friends; friends for a season and friends for a lifetime. I've had and probably been all of them at one time or another.


Before I get into any of my thoughts, I thought I'd share some quotes I found about friendships:


"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant."- Socrates


"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."- Helen Keller


"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." - Ecclesiastes


"Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends." - Henry Brooks Adams

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” - C.S. Lewis


"Friends always show their love. What are brothers for if not to share troubles?"- Proverbs 17:17

"Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers."- Proverbs 18:24


"An honest answer is the sign of true friendship." - Proverbs 24:26


"A friend means well, even when he hurts you. But when an enemy puts his hand round your shoulder - watch out!" - Proverbs 27:6



So what is this mystery called friendship, the secret ingredient that connects people to each other? We can say we are destined to be friends with those whom we have the most in common, but I've learned that's not necessarily the case. I'll continue that thought another time!

On The Air Today!

I will be interviewed at 10:35 PST today by KZSB AM 1290 in Santa Barbara, California, on Baron Ron Herron's radio show. The program airs in Santa Barbara , Goleta , Carpinteria, Ventura , Thousand Oaks and Los Angeles County . In addition, the show is rebroadcast on KNRY AM 1240 in Monterey , Salinas , Santa Cruz and Pebble Beach ; KNWZ-II AM 1270 in Palm Desert, Palm Springs , Indio and Rancho Mirage. The program is delayed broadcast in Australia on 99.7 FM in Queensland and to another 30+ radio stations via ComRadSat. Have no idea when the delayed broadcasts air, but thought I'd post this info.

Fruit and Fads

On Today's Menu:

Holy Mixed Fruit Medley!

There's an old song that goes: "They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love..." I remember we sang it around the fire at camp, back in the Kum By Ya era. (I must note that back then I was very, very young.)

Am I showing Christ and how to live a Christian life because I say the right words and know the special secret code catch phrases? (See? I used a catch phrase there--'showing Christ,' as if I carried Him in my pocket to share with the class at show-and-tell.) In some circles, it's not enough to answer, "I'm fine," when someone asks how you're doing. It's better to say, "I'm blessed."

Do we think that because we wear only Christian clothes, read only Christian books, tune into only Christian news, listen to only Christian music, speak only Christian phrases, suck on Testa-mints instead of Tic-Tacs, consume only Christian food and drink that these things make us examples to others? "Be like me, join our club." Do we think someone wants to join in based on just those things?

What fruit do our lives bear? It doesn't matter if we look like Christ's #1 fan on the outside with a T-shirt that says "Go God!" in red festooned with pom-poms.

"The Pharisees, along with some religion scholars who had come from Jerusalem, gathered around him. They noticed that some of his disciples weren't being careful with ritual washings before meals. The Pharisees--Jews in general, in fact--would never eat a meal without going through the motions of a ritual hand-washing, with an especially vigorous scrubbing if they had just come from the market (to say nothing of the scourings they'd give jugs and pots and pans).

The Pharisees and religion scholars asked, "Why do your disciples flout the rules, showing up at meals without washing their hands?"

Jesus answered, "Isaiah was right about frauds like you, hit the bull's-eye in fact:
These people make a big show of saying the right thing,
but their heart isn't in it.
They act like they are worshiping me,
but they don't mean it.
They just use me as a cover
for teaching whatever suits their fancy,
Ditching God's command
and taking up the latest fads."

Jesus called the crowd together again and said, "Listen now, all of you--take this to heart. It's not what you swallow that pollutes your life; it's what you vomit--that's the real pollution.

When he was back home after being with the crowd, his disciples said, "We don't get it. Put it in plain language."

Jesus said, "Are you being willfully stupid? Don't you see that what you swallow can't contaminate you? It doesn't enter your heart but your stomach, works its way through the intestines, and is finally flushed."

He went on: "It's what comes out of a person that pollutes: obscenities, lusts, thefts, murders, adulteries, greed, depravity, deceptive dealings, carousing, mean looks, slander, arrogance, foolishness--all these are vomit from the heart. There is the source of your pollution."

Excerpts from Mark chapter 7 (the Message)

Lord, help me work on my insides most of all. I won't have to say "I'm blessed" or drive down the road with Mercy Me blaring out the windows (although I like Mercy Me), or buy the latest Holy Joe wrist band (in rainbow colors!). When You shine through, I won't have to try to look like a groupie. (

Moonlight

I slithered out of bed at 5 AM, knocked on the kids' doors, and one of them got up with me to see the lunar eclipse. Wow. No, I didn't take the photo on the left. A guy by the name of Ted Phillips did, and this was how the moon appeared to us. The night before, the family and I had made a trek to Wal-Mart. The full moon lit up the sky like a silver dollar. Cliche, but it did.

Then when we got up at 5 AM, this was how the moon appeared. Dark, brooding, shadowed, mysterious, as if someone had dropped a veil in front of it to block the glow of the sun--oh wait! That was us, on Earth.

Can you imagine what seeing a lunar eclipse meant to those living centuries before us? Yes, I know that scientists finally figured out there are orbits, that the Earth moves around the sun and the moon circles around the Earth. But to the common people, to the superstitious. I wonder if they thought the world was ending, or that the shadowed moon foretold great judgment would befall them. However, they simply didn't understand what was going on in front of their eyes. Then, hours later, the shadow would pass and the silver glow would return.

How many times do we not understand what's going on in front of us? Lord, this is disastrous. Lord, what's going on? I can't see Your goodness. How can this work for Your glory? I just don't understand.

These are the questions and statements that don't surprise our Father at all. It's true. We don't understand. But if we trust Him like we say we do, we'll keep trusting and waiting. Either we believe He's all-powerful and all-knowing, or we don't. How much do we try to figure out, or handle on our own and mess up even worse? I admit there are tough questions, those vicious unanswered why's that echo back. Right now, I try to stop asking, and instead say, "I trust You. The moon is shadowed and it can't mean anything good. But I trust You."

A Sob Story

On Today's Menu:
A Pity Party, With Chips

This is from an old post in the 2005 archives, but it's still relevant today so I thought I'd share it again. Ironically, I can't recall WHO I wrote this about. So their secret's still safe with me...

A friend has a problem, and I desperately want to help her. I believe she wants help, but I wonder why she still goes back and does the same things again and again? My compassion is wearing thin by now. Bear with me for a moment as I think aloud.

As a Christian, I believe I have every answer to every problem I'll ever face. Not in me, of course. I can mess things up quicker than a kid can stuff a PB 'n J sandwich into a DVD player and push "play." I succeed when I surrender to what Jesus wants for me in spite of my feelings, in spite of circumstances and when it seems like the world is spinning out of control. I may go along kicking and screaming, but I'm going along with Him anyway.

What a relief that my faith is not based on "getting it right" so I can achieve "paradise," or whatever other religions may offer. I would be the worst Buddhist, Christian Scientist, etc., (you fill in the blank) if it totally depended on me. But in spite of my failures and occasional cases of the "uglies," there's hope for me because of Christ.

Why then, do I continually see people who live as if there is no hope for them? They profess that they follow Christ and His teachings, they say they believe in the Bible, but the way they deal with their struggles is anything but hope-filled.

So that brings me back to my friend. I wish I could help her, I really do, but until she knows for sure that Jesus is her deliverer and she can be strong in spite of what she's up against, my efforts are futile. All the self-talk and positive thoughts will provide only temporary comfort. She's left with herself and her struggles when the words die out.

Is it any wonder why some choose not to follow Christ? If those of us who do live as though we have no answers, I don't blame them. Then again, when all is said and done, we can't point the finger because so-and-so didn't act like a "Christian."Like when my kids bicker and say, "Well, they're not acting right, so--" No excuses, no sob story, no blame game.

Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.God can do anything, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
Ephesians 3:19-20, The Message

For The Tough Times: By Max Lucado

I have to admit, I'm a Max Lucado fan. So when I had the chance to review For The Tough Times, of course I didn't pass up the chance.

Plus, I've had both friends and family going through some really, really tough times. Grief, loss, disappointment. Questions abound when the rug gets ripped out from under you. And when you're in pain, sometimes it's hard to remember the truths that you hear week after week in church.

This book can help remind us of what we know, or ought to know, with chapters titled:

Where is God? [nothing like starting with a biggee]

God's Great Love [something infinite, but beautifully portrayed in this section]

Eyes on the Father

Good Triumphant

The Bitter Taste of Revenge

In the Silence God Speaks

In the Storm We Pray

From God's Perspective

No emotion is left out--anger, regret, sorrow, the questions--and even though my troubles and storms are quiet during this season, I found my own eyes filling with tears as I read.

Not a long book, but enough to comfort. I'm sending my copy to a friend, and buying a few more to give to others as the need arises.

On an aside note: Max Lucado and a TON of other authors (including me) will be at the Christian Book Expo in Dallas March 20-22. What a spring break weekend! What an author line-up! And it's all because of readers. Hey, I'm a fan too, and I'm really looking forward to cruising the exhibit hall after my time at the booth is over.

The Unseen: By T.L. Hines

"I always feel like somebody's watchin' meeeeeee..." Remember that 80's song?

Ever feel like you're being watched? The Unseen by T.L. Hines will make you think maybe you're not imagining things after all.

Lucas is a Peeping Tom--sort of. He lives on the fringes of society, in the shadows and nooks and crannies where no one's supposed to be. And then when HE is discovered, he's forced to make choices that rip his anonymity away forever. He's forced to deal with people face-to-face instead of watching from a distance and imagining what their lives are really like.

I won't spill the beans on this of course, but the thrill ride made me go from feeling sorry for Lucas (even though he sort of creeped me out a little at first). I wanted him to succeed until the end, when he is ready to sacrifice all--I wanted to stand up and cheer for him.

This book has bad guys, good guys, really bad guys, international intrigue, the ticking bomb, and a story that kept twisting around on itself until the end made me go--aha!! The Unseen says a lot about our voyeuristic yet detached society in a frightening way.

I was SO glad to read this over vacation, where I didn't HAVE to put it down right away, because I didn't want to.

As a writer, I really enjoyed this book, too. I want to say that we writers have a responsibility when reading someone else's book, to read it first for the pure enjoyment of the story and not critique the thing in our heads. It's not our place. This is a product bought by a publisher and produced for enjoyment and already printed. It's not our business to "fix" it in our minds. It's tempting, though, sometimes to do that when we writers read, and that's not a fair practice.

But as a writer, I was reading The Unseen and I thought,"Wow, I can see what he did here. That's so COOL! He definitely upped the suspense."

And I loved seeing how Lucas changed throughout the story. I couldn't help thinking that as I read.

One of those books that makes me say, "I wanna write like this when I grow up." This was the first book by TL Hines that I've read, and it won't be the last.

Christian Bookworm Reviews 2008 Advent Calendar

2008 Advent Calendar Day 12 Lynette Sowell

Join me over at Christian Bookworm Reviews where I share a special Christmas memory. Plus, be sure to check out the other preceding days. I'm in excellent company with some fine authors.

Book Signing -- Killeen, TX

Quick news flash! If you're in the Killeen area, stop by Hastings on Saturday, December 6 between noon and 3 PM. I'll be signing A Suspicion of Strawberries and The Wiles of Watermelon. Hastings is at the corner of WS Young Drive and Business 190.

The Truth About You

I recently received a copy of Marcus Buckingham's latest release, The Truth About You. One of the reasons I chose this book is because I have an 18-year-old son who's a senior in high school, and we've had multiple go-rounds about what he's going to "do with his life" after high school. Part of his dilemma (I think) is the fact that he honestly doesn't know what his strengths are (besides video games and computers).

The pluses: Not only is this a short book, but it can be read in short sittings. If you're busy, you can set it down. Marcus's writing style is straightforward and clear. BUT this is also a book to make you think (see below).

It also comes with a short DVD that features Marcus talking about the principles of finding your strengths, what strengths and weaknesses are (as he defines them). The DVD serves as an introduction to the ideas in the book. This is ideal for those who enjoy multimedia--especially visual and auditory learners. The book is also meant to be hands-on. Included is a two-sided ReMemo pad. He clearly explains how to use this as well.

Marcus gives specific guidelines for how to find your strengths and narrow down your three best strengths. In theory, those are the strengths that should guide you into the job--into the career--that will give you the most satisfaction.

My son and I watched the 20-minute DVD and discussed the sections in the book dealing with discovering strengths. He's a video game and computer nut. We actually found a strength for him--He likes problem solving and strategy, finding solutions to win (video gaming). I never thought I'd find that strength for him in video gaming, but that makes sense.

We also talked about a class in school where he feels like he's at his best, as if time flies during class, and he looks forward to working--this is his computer animation class.

I think this book is an excellent starting point for helping someone discover what they're truly good at, their God-given strength. Although I wouldn't call this a "Christian" book, its principles brought to mind the talent/strength of Olympian and missionary Eric Liddell. He said, "When I run, I feel God's pleasure." That to me is the feeling of a real strength.

Minuses:
The cover. While I liked the packaging--the DVD slides nicely into the pocket inside the front cover, and the ReMemo pad fits into its box inside the back cover--I didn't like the colors and font/graphics. I honestly would never have picked this up if I saw it in a store.

Also, I felt like this book was merely a starting point for discovering strengths. I would have liked to know more about what to do if a strength is something you're not "good" at, but you love. Should you abandon this effort? I was left with a few questions after going through this book with my son.

Overall impression: I think this book will help us and help him as he decides what's next after graduation. I'd rather him find his strengths now and learn to build on them, than get into a job he's miserable at, marking time and only looking forward to weekends.

You can check out a preview of the book here.

Two Little Words

First of all, I must say--egads, it's December! Where did November go?

That's right. I had a book to finish. Anyway, that's done. Francesca and Alfred's story is with my editor. Watch for All That Glitters next fall from Heartsong Presents.

So. Two little words. They are very powerful when spoken sincerely. They mean nothing if used out of obligation.

This summer I wrote a blog post about not being afraid to say "I love you." After a friend's sudden death, I talked about those moments that pass quickly, and the people who pass through our lives as well.

Here's two more words to day: I'm sorry.

Back in high school, I took two years of Spanish, and I do remember how to say I'm sorry: lo siento. This literally means "I feel it."

How many conflicts and rifts exist between us all because no one spoke two simple words from their heart?

I'm sorry.

I feel it.

I feel the pain that I caused you, and it hurts me to know you hurt as well.

So I'm sorry.

Many times pride forces us to close our mouths and close our hearts and make excuses:

"They know I'm sorry."

"They know I didn't really mean it."

"They just need to get over it."

"You know how they are: just over-sensitive."

So we go on our merry way, assuming that the other person is fine, or will be fine in time. But we don't realize the hurt we cause does not always lose its sting as quickly as we think. We sometimes expect others to recognize our hurt and apologize immediately, but then we also expect any hurt we've inflicted to heal up just as fast.

I tell you what helps healing along: two little words. I'm sorry. Usually once those two words are out, the rest of it can flow and healing can come.

Christmas is about reconciliation. How about spreading that around?

What in the World is Chocolate Gravy?

Thanks, I'm glad you asked.

My dear sweet husband is a Southern boy through and through, and he likes to tell tales about his Grandma who would cook for her husband and all her boys. She'd get up at the crack of stupid every morning (I would have made a horrible farm wife. God in His infinite wisdom knew this.) She'd light the 8-burner cast iron stove to get breakfast goin' for all the Sowells before they started working in the fields. She'd fry up bacon, eggs, roll biscuits, and get the gravies cooking. You name it. She didn't have just white gravy seasoned with pepper for SOS. She'd also make chocolate gravy.

The first time CJ said, "Chocolate gravy," I stopped him.

"Whoa, honey, back up. Chocolate gravy?" The imaginary flavor of chocolate and gravy made my stomach turn. "Ewww."

"Oh, Baby, if you've never had chocolate gravy on biscuits, you just don't know what you're missing."

Yes, I did. I thought it sounded tremendously weird. Hey, you can take a Yankee girl out of the North, but she's still a Yankee.

So a few years ago we ventured to Tennessee (where I ended up setting my mystery series) and I sat at my mother-in-law's table and to have my first bite of chocolate gravy smothered over hot buttermilk biscuits. I may have been a skeptic, but I was a polite skeptic. And I love chocolate.

With the first warm bite, a heavenly choir woke up on my tastebuds and sang. Oh, wow. I definitely brought the recipe home with me.

When I discovered the fictitious town of Greenburg, Tennessee, I knew my heroine needed to have a love of chocolate gravy, so the yummy treat made it into A Suspicion of Strawberries.

Here's the gen-you-wine recipe I brought home:

Chocolate Gravy

1 cup sugar
1 tablespoon cocoa
2 tablespoons flour
1 cup milk (approximately)

Combine all the above in a saucepan over medium heat. Don't walk away from it. Keep stirring until the mixture gets thick. Serve immediately over hot biscuits. Leftover gravy can be put in the fridge and eaten later as pudding. Yum!

Now I have this craving for chocolate. . .and biscuits. . .

What I Learned From Fifth Graders

Today I spoke to five fifth grade classes at an elementary school in town. If there's anything that will make a writer think about why they write, and how they write, it's standing in front of a room of kids. I took a poll as I started each talk. Many of these kids loved reading, and some didn't. A few of them liked to write and a few of them struggled with the writing process. As a writer on deadline who prides herself on being a professional, their questions made me take a moment to take stock of my attitude and my work habits.


As I expected, the classes asked many of the same questions:

1. When did you start to write?

2. What do you do when you get stuck?

3. What was your favorite book to write?

4. Which book was your hardest to write?

5. How do you get started with a story?

6. How do you know when the story is over?


I found myself encouraging them as I realized they're at the age now where it's make it or break it. Will these children toss books aside as troublesome sources of dreary assignments? Will they give themselves the chance to be creative and experience the joy of story?


I told them about the importance of passion. Especially in fiction, write what you love. Writing is difficult enough that it's wrong to complicate the process by trying to force yourself into a niche.


We also talked about remembering the reader. Not only do we write because of passion, but we write because we want to give the reader a great read. It's supposed to be fun, entertaining, and we're sharing something with them that we hope they'll remember.


We talked about rewriting and doing the best we can. I told them I have good friends who read for me and tell me how I can make by books better.

One of the fun parts was talking about story structure, and the importance of problems for our character. We talked about finding the main conflict in the book Holes, and how once that main conflict was solved, the story was over. Causing problems for our character helps move stories out of those tight spots and keeps our readers interested. The kids saw some practical examples from what they'd recently read to help them as they write.

They asked some great questions of me and I left the school exhausted, but also with renewed focus on why I write, and what I need to remember as I write.

Why I Love Book Sales

Twice a year, our town library has a used book sale to benefit the library. They cover all the tables of the alternative school's cafeteria with every kind of book imaginable (except the ones fit to be covered with discreet brown paper wrappers, I was told). And most of the time I try to remember to show up and support them. Now that I'm an author, I realize that all these books were once sold brand-new and the author received royalties on that sale. But what about now? They don't.

I also realized as I look at those rows and rows of books that I don't mind. Of course I'd like to sell a ton of books, but I also realize the value of free (or inexpensive) samples. There's a population of readers who aren't "cheap" people, but for whom buying books at full price is a luxury. Part of me can't begrudge them the experience of getting lost in a story.

And truly, what place did we get most of our reading done as kids--and then try to escape from? The library, where we can read for free.

Those free or cheap sample books can lead to future sales for those authors whose books covered the tables. I've got a stack of books I'll probably still be working on when the next sale comes in April.

The town library had me be their guest speaker in February for their volunteer appreciation dinner. Let me tell you, the library people make authors feel like rock stars. And I owe a lot of my writer's journey to them.

Anyone been to some good book sales lately?